get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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humiliating little girls

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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listen to madonnas new album

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.