Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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I scratch and sniff.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.