log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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i masturbate with my feet

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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Half of these posts are all but "things you think only you do". So is mine

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Play with my own boobs for no reason

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.