When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

thumb_up thumb_down -39

You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Love feet. like LOVE feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Smoking in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

thumb_up thumb_down -51

k. everyone

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Pretend my life is a videogame.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

When listening to music via headphones in public, I become paranoid that I am bothering everyone around me as my breathing becomes louder without me realising.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

thumb_up thumb_down -79

When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

thumb_up thumb_down -115

When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

thumb_up thumb_down +18

.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.