Still record on VHS tapes.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Take nibbles whenever you get to the last piece of your burger to make it last longer.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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wish you looked like either Kellan Lutz or Bradley Cooper! I wish magic existed now.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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chew on the side of my teeth

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When I'm reading a book and I come to a word that is long or difficult to pronounce every time I come to that word again I pronounce it 'manamanam'.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.