I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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My parents are annoying.

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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I look at this site and wonder if the thumbs up are all from people who actually do the same thing, or just people who like that or think it's a funny thing to do.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.