Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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say to my friend do you ever think that someone else is thinking the same thing that they are thinking at this moment in time and then SHYT in there mouth. Normally they gurggle it in their throat, before swallowing it and making a pedo face, and sometimes i bike naked and shit on cars with diorrea so it explodes on the windows.

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Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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I daydream and consequently spend twenty minutes having a dump

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When I'm in a room with other people, no matter who they are, I make myself choose the person I would tolerate the best having sex with just in case of a disaster and we need to procreate.

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Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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stand in front of a mirror with your headphones in, and lip sync the words of the song playing to pretend you are singing in a music video

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hearing the opening theme music to Disney or 20th Century Fox or whatever and knowing what it is before you see the screen, then wondering if you should feel proud or if your a weird geek.

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Count the number of letters in a word or phrase.

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Pretending you don't know that much about something because other people might think it would be wierd if you did. Ex: if you you knew someone's exact birthdate and you were discussing it with some one and you where like ya he looks a little older he's probably in his mid 40s or early 50s instead of just admitting you know there exact age.

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Afraid to do something your crush is doing so they don't think you're stalking them, even though you really want to. -B

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jack off

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Still can't walk on cracks. If I step on the crack with one foot, the other has to as well.

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Go to websites like this during school and laugh at the things I read. All around me other students are actually working and looking at me.

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if someone posts something disgusting but true on this same site, rethink pressing the "thumbs up" button out of embaressment.

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When alone in a public restroom, after using the toilet I kick the lever and run away out of fear that it will splash on me.

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Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

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Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

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Think of a bunch of "things you think only you do" after you leave the site

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Try to pee on the toilet-paper in the toilet so it rips in half

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If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

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Sunday's are making me feel depressed.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.