When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Being fat

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Constantly refreshing the Captcha for fear that It'll be wrong and I have to redo everything I did.

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make south park refferences every day

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.