Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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I can't trill my R's

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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read some comments here and wonder if people really do that

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Listen to the same songs for years on end without ever knowing the lyrics because they've been the soundtracks for your daydreams.

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I violate and then kill people, all ages and kinds... ..:But everyone does that right? I mean... Lol, I just type that because I am insecure now, and I kill when I am insecure... ...Excuse me.

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

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Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

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I pick at my cuticles when I'm bored.

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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When you're alone in a room and you have to turn on the TV so it's not as silent...

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You come across a movie on network television, you own it, you can see the DVD on the shelf, it would take you less then 30 seconds to put the DVD on, instead you watch it on that station, commercials and all.

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draw pictures on the mirror from the shower steam

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

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If I have my computer and I have to do something quietly (because there are other people about) I hear music in heaphones, just so it seems to myself that I'm more discreet, as I can't hear myself.

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Put ear buds in nose, open mouth, instant speaker. If you don't do it try it.

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.