Do math in ur head at night to help you fall asleep.

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Whenever we watch a movie or stupid educational film in school, I sleep.

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Eating a crunchy food while watching tv and turning up the volume little by little until its around 80% because you can't hear over the sound of your own chewing. Then later when you turn back on the tv you scare yourself because it's still at 80% and frantically try to turn it down with super speed before anyone hears you.

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

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Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

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When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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feel special if I don't get thumbs up on my posts

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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Mispronounce a word that you have a billion times before because you couldn't figure out what it said for a second.

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Act like your on a cooking tv show when your cooking

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"Oh, that was a messed up thought, probably shouldn't think about it again or something worse because---GODDAMN IT."

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Drying yourself after the shower with a towl, wiping your ass dry and beeing scared when you dry other parts of your body you dont use the same part of the towl.

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Buying a new song, listening to it on repeat for hours until it gets old, and then never listening to it again.

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing us.

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When i lie, i try not to swallow because i think they'll notice - John

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Shit in the shower and pushing it down the drain with your feet

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seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

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Happy April 28th everyone! Today is the first day of the rest of your lives, a time for new beginnings to run wild, a time to put a final ending to the past mistakes and troubling thoughts that may have been clouding your mind for far too long until now... The time is here, The time is now, Today is the day, Right here, right now, Right this moment, This is the right time... This, IS THE TIME TO DECIDE... To take time to make time, and let time pass by while you try to decide on how you wanna live your life? Falling into the same patterns as time before, and as will be, time after time? OR, simply, you can choose to LIVE... letting yourself have the time of YOUR LIFE!!! =) The choice is yours, what will you decide??? <3

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I can't help spitting into the toilet when I piss, let it drop out my mouth and hit the water to see if I can get it in the center.

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im going to RAPEEEE that girl

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Pour cereal. Realize there is no milk. You really want cereal so you try it with water. Realize that was a bad idea.

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Sometimes...when no one is home, i talk and dance with my dog as if he was person :)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.