After texting someone, check your phone repeatedly to see if they responded

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i cant fall asleep unless i suck my thumb...

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I vote thumb dlown the ones that i dong like

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When I'm in a car holding a handheld device (iPod, Cell Phone, etc.) I have a feeling I will randomly throw it out the open window. I would never do this, but I'm still afraid I might.

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Think about the things you could do if you had the power to stop the time.

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You remember something funny. You smile like an idiot. Everyone around thinks your weird for randomly smiling.

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Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

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I avoid closing my eyes in the shower in case ghosts/monsters/zombies get me.

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When using the bathroom count the tiles on the floor or shower wall or read a shampoo bottle.

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At the gym, I always try to do 5 pounds more than the previous person.

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I fake laugh at peoples jokes when they're not funny to avoid akward moments.

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Always think good thoughts before I go to bed so that I have good dreams

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When I walk from one room to the next, I make believe that the room I just left exploded, and that I made it out just in time.

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Abuse your pet when nobody's looking

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In my head, my life is some kind of on-going documentary about my life. Sometimes when I'm alone, I conduct interviews.

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Wonder why there are sites like this.

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whale sperm

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Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

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Say 'WED', 'NES' and 'DAY' slowly in your head when spelling Wednesday.

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Have a dream with horribly unfortunate events (like having an amputation or being in prison) waking up from said dream and saying something like, "Good thing that was a dream, don't know what I'd do if that was real"

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Pretend that i don't care about my birthday when i actually can't wait to see what present people will get me and get terribly excited everytime someone text me

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Sit down in a grass field... immediately start pulling up grass.

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Eat pizza backwards because the crust isn't as good as the cheese part and I want to get that over with.

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close the fridge door really slowly just so you can see the light turn off

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.