this is a terrible website and i hate you

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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I poop on the side of my house in the morning so I do not have to make noise then come back in.

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Somehow can't find anything good to eat after going grocery shopping... even if you buy Oreos

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Act like your on a cooking tv show when your cooking

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Do math in ur head at night to help you fall asleep.

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"Oh, that was a messed up thought, probably shouldn't think about it again or something worse because---GODDAMN IT."

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When the car runs over bumps in the road on the freeway, they sound like horses hooves, so I pretend my car's being pulled by invisible horses.

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eat the salt from the bottom of the pretzel bag

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Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

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Whenever we watch a movie or stupid educational film in school, I sleep.

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Feel like you sing wonderfully when you are alone, but feel like you sing horribly in front of others.

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seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

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I give my own posts a thumbs up whenever I have the option and I know that it's anonymous.

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Stop in the middle of a walk, then picture every face of every person you saw during that walk and what you were doing just in case a detective or police officer stopped you and asked "where you were at a this time?" or "have you seen this person?"

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feel disappointed when i find out that a p0rn scene is just the actor's dream or imagination.

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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I take receipts out of the ATM's disposal slot in order to see how much money people that I've never met have in their accounts.

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When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

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sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

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If I'd see a grizzly bear in the forest I'd probably try to run away even though every sane person says that that's exactly the thing you shouldn't do

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing us.

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When eating food leave back the food u like the most for last

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Pour cereal. Realize there is no milk. You really want cereal so you try it with water. Realize that was a bad idea.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.