the power to regenerate your appendix

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I cant ride a bike

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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I **** with no hands.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.