Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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I use the internet to validate that weirdness is not actually weird at all.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.