Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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When i go into a public toilet and one of the cubical doors is slightly shut, I will be really quiet or slightly push the door to see if anyone is in there.

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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When light goes off and cant see digital clock numbers when you are trying to sleep/wake up, i scream and get terrified because i think i got blind

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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When i get a back shiver. That's when i know something bad going to happen.

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.