try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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When I'm watching something or playing something and the character goes underwater, I hold my breath until the character reaches the surface. This is weird as hell, does anyone else do this?

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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Click my teeth from side to side at the beat of songs

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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I somtimes think about what I would o if I had a wish and I go into a lot of detail about it in my head and then realize it will never actually happen

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Decide to think about important things in the shower, but continually lose the train of thought and eventually give up.

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.