Bathroom occupied, piss in the kitchen sink.

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Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

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Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

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Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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Think about the things you could do with you had the power to stop the time.

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Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

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never feel sad enough after being told a sad story

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Being afraid to up-vote the embarrassing posts on this page for fear that it might somehow post onto my Facebook.

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I only make the tv volume in multiples of 5.

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Walking into the little door at the store that people put the carts though.

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Think of numbers as male or female.

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KICK THE CAN

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When I use deodorant, I flap my arms like a chicken a couple of times to get some air moving under there...

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I daydream and consequently spend twenty minutes having a dump

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You come across a movie on network television, you own it, you can see the DVD on the shelf, it would take you less then 30 seconds to put the DVD on, instead you watch it on that station, commercials and all.

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watch old shows I used to watch when I was younger

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Walking past a light switch, but miss when try to turn the lights on so you just keep walking instead.

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I always wonder if anyone has a crush on me.

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Secretly open a packet of something or spray some deodorant in a shop to check what it looks/feels/smells like. Then put it back and pick up the one behind because you just used/opened the one you were just holding.

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Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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When I watch a movie that terrifies me, I usually find myself sitting on the sofa with a kitchen knife in my hand at the end of the movie.

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Pretending you don't know that much about something because other people might think it would be wierd if you did. Ex: if you you knew someone's exact birthdate and you were discussing it with some one and you where like ya he looks a little older he's probably in his mid 40s or early 50s instead of just admitting you know there exact age.

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I talk to myself when I'm alone

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Awkward moment... Pretend to send a text.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.