Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.