Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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I always twist my washcloth into a cone shape, so when I take my next shower it is dry and hardened. Then I pretend stab it into my stomach and say "MY LIFE FOR AIUR!" before getting it wet again.

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this is a terrible website and i hate you

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run inside after taking out the trash because a monster might be hiding in the big trash can

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When I eat potato chips, I lick each side to make sure the really salty part is down.

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When in a public bathroom stall and having to take a number 2 i wait until there is nobody else in there to let it go and also exit the stall.

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Eating a crunchy food while watching tv and turning up the volume little by little until its around 80% because you can't hear over the sound of your own chewing. Then later when you turn back on the tv you scare yourself because it's still at 80% and frantically try to turn it down with super speed before anyone hears you.

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As im about to fall asleep sometimes i feel like im falling and then i have a muscle spasem and wake up.

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Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

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think your hitting your leg on a chair or desk, really someones foot

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Pretend to listen to iPod, but actually eavesdrop on the people around me.

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When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

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Pee sitting down so I dont have to aim

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Sometimes when im sitting in class i start thinking how i would save the whole classroom if someone was to come in with a gun and start shooting.

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When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

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Dip my pizza crust in my soda

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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Try to pet your cat with your foot.

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When I get photographed with a flash and afterwards there is that little greenish dot in my vision, I keep trying to look at it directly, although I know that it's impossible

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If I'd see a grizzly bear in the forest I'd probably try to run away even though every sane person says that that's exactly the thing you shouldn't do

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Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

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When I'm driving through traffic lights that are green, I use my psychic powers to make them change so no one behind me gets through.

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Having small fingers and, regardless, still unable to click on the right thing when on the internet with a touch screen phone.

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I have an irrational fear of sloths

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.