Stick ur thumb between ur first and middle finger without realizing it

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I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

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Check your analog watch, wait for it to strike a minute, then look away and try to count 60 seconds out in your head before you look again. However many seconds you were away is your new record.

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when someone is talking about something i have no idea of and then asked me if i agree I'm like: oh yes! and then promptly changing subject so they won't find out

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Squeezing my cat's face back so it looks Chinese.

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Flush the toilet before peeing to see if I can accomplish peeing before the water flushes away. :)

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Sometimes I think and feel that I am the most voted man on Horsehead Network, I got no idea why. Moral the friendly r*pist: I dnt know what that means though... Or do I? ;)

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Stay up late on the weekdays and go to bed early on the weekends ..... What is wrong with me?

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you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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When I walk the streets after getting a new haircut, I think everybody's staring at me and thinking "oh my god she got a new haircut" eventhough they didn't know me before.

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i randomly grab my boobs when i'm home alone. like, all the time.

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Find yourself alone at a party/gathering of some sort... Pretend to send a text to make people think you're not a loner.

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Make scary faces in the mirror and try to scare myself

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Agree with someones ridiculous political opinion just to avoid an argument.

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I pretend that my actions are perceived by a past self and they're always astounded by the change I've gone through.

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Doing something really embarrassing in public and thinking "Doesn't matter, I'll never see these people again.".

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Sometimes I wonder if the blue/green/red etc. I see is the same blue/green/red etc. you see

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Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

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When I'm walking I pretend that I'm staying in the same place and moving the world beneath me.

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R A P E Children

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When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

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instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

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I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.