Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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I read the down voted posts

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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I hold my breath in elevators

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Use reverse psychology on the rain to make it slow down or speed up.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.