after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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I constantly get itches. On awkward parts of my body. In public places. And it's torture.

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Feeling guilty for something you haven't done.

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When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

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I brace myself and close my eyes when I send an email to my teachers or parents.

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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Sometimes when I watch live TV, I mute the TV when I get embarrassed at what is happening on screen to other people.

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When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

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I like to swallow great ammounts of water just to make the loud "clunk" sound in my throat.

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Imagine that other people can see what im doing, then try to act differently.

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Thinking you could be in a "Truman Show" style scenario and scanning areas of your house and possessions for tiny little cameras and microphones.

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Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

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I sometimes wonder if im a baby and my whole life is just a big dream

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Take everything out of the fridge, and climb in it, and pretend your in a time capsule.

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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I T-bag my teammates in MW3 when they die.

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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when playing games like grand theft auto I drive normally like all the other people in the game when i'm bored

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Call the ninja turtles by their full names.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.