Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Worry a lot about the efficiency of your path when walking.

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When walking into a smelly bathroom, hold your breath so you don't have to breathe in the poo air.

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Fart after someone else farts sop that no one will know you did too.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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When I am about to thumb up a comment here that has not happened to me, I first stop myself thinking "but that has not happened to me" then I remember I thumb up comments just because I like them and proceed to do so most of the times

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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I tell inanimate objects what to do.

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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Whenever I'm scared at night in my room I turn on music. Because the music will keep away people trying to get me. Obviously.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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While waiting for my food ot cook, I'll wash the dirty dishes that I used so that I don't need to wash lots of dishes after I eat.

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Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

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Use é instead of e to spell Pokémon

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suddenly get stage fright when in a public bathroom stall and break the awkward silence by pretending you just went in there to get loo paper to blow your nose.

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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Rinse off salted nuts before eating them

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.