whenever I come across a website like this, I try to read through every post as fast as I can. When I reach the end, I feel like I accomplished something but sad I have no more to read.

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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Opens new book to random page. Reads snippet. Smiles to myself when I reach it 1 week later. -epsin

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After watching a movie, always walk out the theatre feeling like a total bad ass

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Having cool food in your house and knowing your boyfriend is going to call you around 6 or so, so you start eating said awesome food at about 5:57. That way when your boyfriend asks what you're doing to can tell him you're eating _____ and he'll want to come over.

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Become paranoid that this is not the real world, and instead is some coma induced dream.

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Think about awesome stuff that you could do (e.g beating up someone who steals your gf's purse or something) when listening to music

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I get angry when people use question marks where they don't belong. QUESTION marks are for QUESTIONS. Not statements or opinions >:( "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion?" X FFFUU- "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion." ?

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Go outside and pee.

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Making "X's" with your fingernail on bug bites to get rid of them.

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Create my response for the whole conversation before even having it

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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When I wanted to sit on chair or anything, I'll wipe them first, in case there is something sticked on them

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Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

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hate it when the bottom of you foot is itchy because it feels wrong to scratch it.

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Get annoyed when you are making a new account and it sends you bafk because of credit card or email address

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When I watch porn,I sometimes pause the video and start looking something random. e.g. an unrelated article on Wikipedia.

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apparently you turn or twist everything to tight like a sink or a bottlecap ect. "i cant open the bottle of fu***ng coke becase you "

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Think of the best come-backs ever, a few seconds after the time to use them would be.

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FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAPFAP FAP ::TROLLFACE::

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Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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shag your mom

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cut corners when walking not because it's faster, but because it's more efficient

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.