I use chopsticks or disposable latex gloves to eat sandwiches, chocolate, basically any finger food, because in my opinion, it's impossible to get that greasy, sticky film off my fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

thumb_up thumb_down -102

Close my eyes and squeeze them so I can see colorful stars and galaxies.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Inspect the mirrors in store changing rooms in case they are one-way glass. Make faces into mirror as if you know they're back there.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

thumb_up thumb_down -111

I have a cat that drops on it's side when she sees me coming

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Opens new book to random page. Reads snippet. Smiles to myself when I reach it 1 week later. -epsin

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Leave the television on in my room when I go to bed, so I have some light and I can't hear all the creepy sounds that houses make.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAPFAP FAP ::TROLLFACE::

thumb_up thumb_down -88

during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

thumb_up thumb_down -130

Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A stranger makes me mad. Spend all day thinking about badass things that I should have done/said.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Having cool food in your house and knowing your boyfriend is going to call you around 6 or so, so you start eating said awesome food at about 5:57. That way when your boyfriend asks what you're doing to can tell him you're eating _____ and he'll want to come over.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

When I hear the doorbell ringing and I'm not expecting anyone, I turn off the tv/music and try not to make any sound, so they think there's no one home.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

I put salt on buttered toast...

thumb_up thumb_down +35

I click that I have read the Terms of Service although I haven't read sheit

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I really like taking shits.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Listening to music---You HAVE to grind you teeth along with the song.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.