Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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you know that when things have only one like on this site, the people who wrote it liked it

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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only read the short jokes on this website

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.