when your doing something or going somewhere you think didn't I already do this, like your back in time.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.