think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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I never feel bored

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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I don't read the terms of service.

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blink

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.