The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Smoking in the shower.

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Being fat

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.