when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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When walking on stairs, always counting how many of them there are.

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forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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Mayada stupid

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.