carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.